I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author unknown)…

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A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.”

“If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. “In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.” “As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.”

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What burden can you put down to help you reduce stress? Notice that I did not ask if you had stress. I assume you do. The question is, what are you doing to manage or reduce it?

I’ll bet that you can identify something generating stress in your life right now that you’ve been carrying for a while … something that was probably stressing you a month ago, or even a year ago. So what are you prepared to do about it? Here are five tips to help you reduce stress.

1. Identify what is burdening you right now. What do you hate about your life? What are you tolerating? By stating what you hate or are putting up with in your present circumstances, you can then identify what you want. As you answer this question, consider each of the categories mentioned below. Make a thorough list and be specific. This list is for your eyes only, so spill onto paper whatever you hate about your present circumstances, without trying to sugar-coat how you are feeling. Here are some examples:

* Relationships: I hate feeling like I always have to be right. I hate how my son never wants to spend time with me.

* Health & Wellness: I hate being 20 pounds overweight. I hate getting so out-of-breath when I take the stairs. I hate that I am so stressed that I cannot fall asleep at night.

* Financial Health: I hate how I always defer my tax returns because I am so disorganized with my financial records. I hate how many tax deductions I forfeit because of my lousy record-keeping practices.

* Environment: I hate how my office is cluttered with piles of paper. I hate that I waste so much time looking for things. I hate how much money I waste because I have to buy something I have but cannot find. I hate that I cannot park my car in the garage because

of all the junk stored in there.

* Work: I hate regularly working past 5 PM and on the weekends.

2. Deal with unresolved issues. Is there something in your past that you have not dealt with – psychological barriers, untreated disorders, unfinished business from your childhood, unresolved relationships, addictions, or depression? If so, seek professional assistance to clear a path for a new beginning. Without first dealing with these obstacles, you may sabotage your efforts or find major resistance to making the changes you desire.

3. De-clutter and create order. Creating order in your home and work environment may help you to gain clarity as you explore the horizon of some new directions in other areas of your life. Here’s my definition of clutter: Anything you own, possess, or do that does not enhance your life on a regular basis. It’s hard to make room for something new amidst all the clutter … whether that clutter exists in your physical environment, on your calendar, or in your head.

4. Move from complaints to solutions. Look at your list of things you hate (above), and design a vision around what you want and choose for the future. Create a chart that includes the complaints, solutions to achieve your vision, and projected dates of completion.

Tried everything and still cannot find a solution? Ask someone else to help you brainstorm a solution, or make peace with it and quit thinking of it as a problem.

Eliminate excuses that are undermining your vision. For example, if you feel like you have to work late, examine the excuses that are undermining your desire to leave the office by 5 PM. Are you staying late to catch up with e-mail or to meet deadlines? How can you eliminate the excuse? Build in time to handle those activities during regular work hours.

Commit time to take positive action. Carve out protected time for working on an important project that would otherwise not get done until the 11th hour (after hours or on the weekend). For large projects, break them into smaller “bite-sized” projects.

5. Get support as you change behaviors. In order to create new behaviors which will get and keep you at the enhanced level at which you wish to function, you may need support. An accountability partner or personal coach can help you:

* Reflect back what you say you want so you can hear yourself.

* Clarify what it will take to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

* Build in accountability check-ins (without judgment) around the actions you choose to take.

Identify the level of support you need in order to reach the goals you’ve identified, and then ask for help.

Copyright 2005 Kathy Paauw

Wouldn’t you love to stumble upon a secret library of ideas to help you de-clutter your life so you can focus on what’s most important? Kathy Paauw offers simple, yet powerful ideas, on how to manage your time, space, and thoughts for a more productive and fulfilling life.

Visit http://www.orgcoach.net

Q: What is Stress?

A: Very basically it is the physical, emotional and spiritual tension that arises in a person when they are being pulled or pushed outside of their comfort zone by internal or external forces.

Q: I’ve heard people talk about good and bad stress. What’s the difference?

A: Contrary to what many may think, All Stress is Bad Stress. By this I mean that all stress takes a physical, emotional and spiritual toll on the person leading to things like burnout, illness, premature aging , drug addictions and even premature death.

Q: If we were always in our comfort zone wouldn’t we just get lazy and choose to do nothing?

A: Well think about it, is stress the only motivator in your life? What ever happened to doing something because you were excited about it or because it gave you a tremendous amount of pleasure or joy?

Q: I understand external forces causing stress but what do you mean by internal forces causing stress?

A: Here’s an example: Do you ever worry that people won’t like you? Does this kind of worry make you a slave to the whims of others? Well the “worry that others won’t like me” is an example of an internal force causing stress. It causes stress because it is constantly forcing you to try and please those around you whether you really want to or not.

Q: How can a you help me become aware

of and deal with internal and external stressors?

A: I think part of the answer is in your question. Firstly, by helping you become aware of these forces. One of the biggest problems is that we just learn to accept these destructive forces in our lives. Secondly, by coaching you to find new ways of living without the need for them.

A powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) helps you become aware of and permanently release negative emotions, beliefs, perceptions and memories that contribute to stress levels and predispose you to illness. The idea of permanently releasing such stress producing factors permanently has not even been thought possible until recently.

Some of the benefits include a sense of resilience, greater energy, a feeling of rejuvenation, feeling lighter, more joyful and optimistic, greater creativity, enhanced intuition, significantly enhanced health and well being and a greater sense of being connected to one’s spiritual self. This, all without the use of medications or psychotherapy!

Nick Arrizza M.D. is trained in Psychiatry. He is also a Stress and Performance Researcher and developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps to release all negative factors that contribute to stress in your life and work. He presents live workshops and tele-conferences to individuals, executives, physicians, professionals and organizations on Managing Stress Through Emotional Self Awareness.

Dr. Nick Arrizza can be contacted via his Web Site at: http://www.telecoaching4u.com or via Email at: drnick@telecoaching4u.com

Who hasn’t experienced “worry” at one time or another? Almost everyone I’m sure. As a result many if not all consider this to be not only a normal human “emotion” but also a necessary fact of life. I would like to show here that in fact “worry” is completely unnecessary.

I begin with the following question. Why do we choose to entertain the state of worry in our minds/bodies?

Well most think that:

1. Worry keeps us alert and in a state of preparedness, thereby,

2. It makes us more able to handle untoward events or situations that may come our way, thereby,

3. It helps protect us from such events, thereby,

4. It keeps us feeling safe, secure, calm and at peace.

In summary then from the above we can say that:

(A): Worry makes us feel safe, secure, calm and at peace.

Now does statement (A) above resonate with you as the truth? (Yes or No)

If you’re not sure I ask you to do the following. Think of something that you worry about. As you are thinking about this allow the feelings of worry to emerge so that you can reacquaint yourself with how it feels to be in the “worried state”. Now notice how the worry makes you feel.

I think that most will notice perhaps feelings of uneasiness, tension, anxiety, a sense of dread, feelings of insecurity, feelings of uncertainty, a sense of distractedness, a feeling of heaviness, and perhaps a host of negative thoughts running through your mind.

So what you have just deliniated for yourself is the experience of “worry” itself.

So, now in this experience do you recognize any feelings of security, safety, calmness or inner peace?

If you are honest with yourself I think you will see that none of these feelings exist in that experience of worry, correct?

So that makes statement (A) above false doesn’t it?

At this point you may feel that something strange is going on here. You might ask yourself “Is he trying to trick me or something?”.

Well no I’m not trying to trick you. In fact I’m just trying to show you how you’ve been tricking yourself into believing that a falsehood was in fact a truth. The falsehood being statement (A).

You may wish to answer the following questions for yourself at this point in order

to experience an remarkable transformation for yourself:

1. Do you recognize that you have been harboring statement (A) inside you as if it were the truth? (Yes or No)

2. Do you want to go on harboring this false statement inside of you? (Yes or No)

3. Is the experience of “worry” toxic to you? (Yes or No)

4. Do you want statement (A) living anywhere inside of you? (Yes or No)

5. Do you want the “worry” living inside of you? (Yes or No)

6. If you answered No to question 2, what is the consequence to you of going on harboring statement (A) inside of you (i.e. to go on believing that it is true)?

Now if you’ve followed me so far you are likely having one of two experiences.

For one you may be feeling a sense of great relief, feeling lighter, feeling energized, feeling more at peace, calmer, a greater sense of security and more optmiistic.

Or, you may be feeling confused and frustrated with the entire exercise.

If you are feeling the former I congratulate you on your courage to take this monumental step forward in your life.

If you are feeling the latter, you are likely still reluctant to let the worry go because you believe at some deeper level that it still is useful to you.

In which ever case if at any time you would like to move further forward in your life kindly contact me at the web links below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called “Spirituality And Science” (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation” (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.

Business URL #1: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

Personal URL: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/Spirituality_And_Science.htm

Did you know that more than half of our adult population has an anger problem? Have you experienced them? They act all flustered and pitch a fit. Can you believe it that some of them actually throw things when they get mad? And not only that, they cuss up a storm, rant and rave, and carry on like they are a child.

We all have probably experienced people like this on occasion. But what about the people who do this on a regular basis? How do we manage them? How can we confront them in the office space? What if this person is our boss or our partner? We know that they need anger management or counseling, but babies don’t have the ability to see that about themselves. Perhaps passing them this article will help you along!

Okay you people who have an anger issue.. listen up!!! You can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys you; laws, social norms and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take all of us us.

According to my research, “People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing and calming.Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive – not aggressive – manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if the anger isn’t allowed an outward expression, it can turn inward – on yourself. This may cause hypertension (high blood pressure) or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticising everything and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm yourself down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down and let the feelings subside.” (resource – internet)If you are a person who is working with a BABY, perhaps you’ll start by having a short conversation just explaining that sometimes he/she is somewhat difficult to talk with because they get so frustrated and act out. Sometimes just calmly stating a fact can be less intimidating than a formal “lets talk about something” kind of meeting.

One client recently was asked by his partner why one of the associates didn’t call her directly. He explained to her that she had a tendency to go overboard with stress and neither had the time to deal with her drama at the moment so she was bypassed in

the decision making moment.Because the conversation took on a sort of apologetic tone, yet, was also explaining the situation, the partner seemed to GET it, that her outbursts had caused more stress on others and not just herself. For the next week, my client has noticed that his partner hasn’t stressed openly and has seemed to get a hold on her anger.

Since my client is on a friendly basis with his partner, I’ve given him some exercises to help his partner get to the root of her anger. While I’m not a therapist, and neither is my client, there are a few exercises that aren’t so intimidating to a person who is willing to explore the original source of their anger.

When the person is obviously upset, ask them to calm down and sit down and agree to talk about it. You can say, “You’re obviously upset. Let’s sit down and discuss what our options are, and just tell me everything”.Don’t argue. Don’t talk back. Don’t disagree. Just listen. Take notes if you can and just listen intently with your eyes. Try to understand. This is what the person needs, to be understood.

When they are through, ask questions. Ask specific questions to get clarity on the situation. Let them talk until they are through.Take a minute before you answer. Think about what you are going to say. Start by acknowledging their feelings such as, “I understand why you are so upset. I’m sorry that you are upset. Let me see if I understand how you feel.” Now, read back what you wrote down so they know you understand.Now, go through your side of the story. (Hopefully without interruptions). Don’t yell or be confrontational. Just explain the other side of the story.

Be careful to pause between listening and talking. Pausing is a great indicator of being thoughtful about what you are listening to and saying. It is a great communication tool!

Regardless of the outcome, you’ve now coached your partner through being able to explain their side of the story without completely exploding. Practice makes perfect. Tell them that they did a good job. Endorse good behavior and encourage them.

Working with a baby is a hardship on many. If you have the guts or the power to tell the person to go get THERAPY, then do it. If that isn’t a possibility, then learning to coach them through dealing with their own emotions may be a logical next step. It’s going to take some energy on your part, but it might save your work environment in the long run.

Having difficult conversations are somewhat stressful, so having a coach to help you through it might be a good next step for you. We can work together to help your partner mature into a thriving adult who expresses his/her feelings in a healthy way.I don’t know about you, but I think it sounds fun! So don’t cry about it! Just give me a call!

To learn more about Mary go to: http://www.marygardner.com/

Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant and Coach. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She enjoys seeing the best come out in people and has fun in the process. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5 and lives in Orlando, FL.

Shit happens. I know this to be a fact, because I read it on a t-shirt.

It’s one of those simple truths that most people agree with, even though they may not like the crude language. Life is full of unwelcome surprises. It does not progress in a flawless path, no matter how hard you try, no matter how cautious you are.

Sooner or later something happens to throw you off guard. It could be an accident, a disappointment or a loss of some kind. And such stuff doesn’t happen only once — it’s a fact of life, just like the t-shirt implies.

Does this mean that aggravation and misery are inevitable? That human existence is one ordeal after another?

The answer is Yes or No – depending on whether you allow your inner brat to be in charge. The inner brat is that immature holdover from early childhood, which magnifies problems, blames other people and situations, and becomes furious at having to deal with the complications of life.

When the inner brat is in control, you are so distracted by its negativity that you miss possible solutions and opportunities.

Think back to a time when you were strong, or brave, or clever. Most likely this was also a time of difficulty. In order to feel strong, or brave, or clever you had to ignore the negative influences of your inner brat, and to focus on creative solutions to your problem.

EXPERIENCES OF STRENGTH ARISE NOT WHEN LIFE IS EASY, BUT WHEN IT’S CHALLENGING. Your inner brat is not equipped to deal with challenge, but *you* are.

Next time you feel victimized by circumstances, here’s a quick way to help you put the problem in perspective:

Ask yourself 2 questions:

1.

Does this problem change the course of my life?

2. Will I still have this problem a month from now?

If you answered No to both these questions, just get busy and look for solutions. What can you do today to get back on track? When your inner brat complains, find a way to prove it wrong. To your inner brat, this situation looks like a crisis, but actually, it’s only an inconvenience.

If you answered Yes to #1 but not #2, it means you have grown from the experience. Your inner brat may protest, but you will have the upper hand.

If you answered Yes to #2 but not #1, you have some work to do in terms of minimizing the inner brat’s hold on you. Treat it as you would a nagging young child. It will quiet down if you ignore it.

If you answered Yes to both #1 and #2, I truly wish you the strength to cope. Especially at times like this, you don’t need your inner brat’s negative energy to drain you. You do have resiliency in you – otherwise you wouldn’t have made it this far. Every day ordinary people find ways to cope with extraordinary circumstances. Pay attention to that, not to your inner brat.

When “life” happens to you, take control of your inner brat. And let’s hope you don’t need one of those t-shirts as a reminder.

Copyright Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. 2005. All rights reserved

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of “Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior” (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

What part of no don’t you understand? – Bumper sticker

The child that never hears no will have a hard time saying no. – Della Reese in “Touched by an Angel”

Have you ever noticed how some of the most powerful things in life are also the most simple?

So it is with the simply powerful word “NO.”

I’ve come to believe that one of the keys to success is the ability to say no when no is the best thing to say.

Let’s take a look at when to say no, and then more importantly, how to say NO effectively.

When to say no

To others – Although it may be unintentional, people’s opinions can be potential dream stealers. If you have a dream and are convinced of its value in your life, ignore those that say you cannot do it. Pursue your dream, because that’s where passion and life can be found.

To temptation – Have you ever noticed how temptation doesn’t hang around long when you firmly say no? Temptation needs an invitation to stay around.

To yourself – Everyone I have ever known, including myself, is excellent at the mind-bending trick called rationalization. We can twist our thoughts around so much that we convince ourselves of just about anything. But check out the word “rationalize.” In this case what it really means is to convince yourself of rational lies.

To the culture – Mary Pipher, author of “The Shelter of Each Other, Rebuilding Our Families” says:

“If we fail as a family to fight the culture in our society, we end up fat, addicted and broke with a house full of junk we don’t need.”

Decide how you want you and yours to be, and resist cultural pressure.

To stress and reactivity – Here’s a riddle for you: What do a TV, a human being and a VCR have in

common? Answer: All three have a pause button. But I’m convinced we use ours less than TVs and VCRs.

Instead of reacting to the stress in your life, hit the pause button long enough to consider how you would like to respond instead of react.

To our children – Della Reese said it best in the quote above: The child who never hears no will not be able to say no. Furthermore, children who never hear no won’t understand or respect no when they are adults, which can lead to all sorts of difficulties.

How to say no

Here’s a few tips on learning the how of saying no:

Give yourself permission to say no. You are a big person now and have the right to say no. (You always had it anyway.)

Decide you are gong to say no, and then as my dad always said, “Stick to your guns.”

Say it! It really can be that simple.

If people have a difficult time hearing or accepting your no, remember that is their problem, not yours. Use the old broken-record technique: “I understand what you are saying, and the answer is still no.” Repeat as much as necessary.

Practice saying no to work out your no muscles.

Pay attention to how the world doesn’t end, and how all your friends and family don’t disown you for saying no.

When you are able to say no – when no is the best thing to say – you’ll find your world less cluttered and your life less chaotic.

Just one more thought:

It’s only when you can say NO that your YES has any real value.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Do you feel that you just don’t have the time to properly de-stress each day? The good news is you can incorporate simple stress busting routines into all that you do!

Stretch those muscles!

Lean your right ear down to your right shoulder and stretch the left side of your neck as you do. Now, switch sides and do the other side. Now, look down and drop your chin towards your chest. Now slowly, let your head roll to the right and then to the left. Repeat slowly until you feel yourself loosen up.

You can do this same exercise for your shoulders, too. Try a few shoulder circles, as well. This is simple to do and when you take the time to do these several times a day, your range of motion will increase and you’ll feel considerably more relaxed.

Enjoy a relaxing massage

Treat yourself to a professional therapist massage and be sure to ask for a calming essential oil such as lavender or chamomile. Buy yourself some of the same oil to take home, and when you’re having a stressful moment, put a few drops of oil onto your tissue or pillowcase and then just breathe into it deeply. You can also use some of the oil to be infused into the air with a diffuser. Just smelling the oil will relax you even if you don’t get to have a massage!

Wear a Smile

Always begin your day with a broad smile on your face. Purpose in your heart to be lighthearted on this day and every time you see someone pass them a big, sincere smile. You will be surprised how easily this action will affect your mood.

Share in a good joke or two and try to make someone else laugh. Feeling lighthearted is a good thing! Just ask Martha Stewart!

That Small Inner Voice — Talk to yourself

Gently close your eyes and repeat positive affirmations. Tell yourself over and over what you want to believe to be true, such as: ‘I am calm’ or ‘I am confident and sure…’ Keep in mind that what you believe to be true will be felt by your body!

In Support of Good Posture

Take in a few, good deep breaths as you sit up very tall. Put your feet flat on the floor. At the same time angle your thighs slightly toward the floor, arch in your lower back slightly, gently push your sternum (chest bone) back and then relax your shoulders.

Take in another good deep breath and hold your position for a minute or two. Don’t allow your posture to slouch at all during this time – hold your position upright and support your good posture.

As your good posture continues to align, you will relieve all muscle tension. Do this exercise twice daily and you will find yourself naturally supporting your good posture each day.

Have Some Fresh Air and Take a Brisk Walk

If you must be indoors most of your day, taking a break to breathe in pure air and to exercise your limbs will be an instant refresher. Doing this will give you back good concentration and you will feel more limber.

Spend only 20 to 30 minutes each day taking in fresh air and walking and you will improve both physically and mentally. If you have a dog, take them along with you. They need to be refreshed just as you

do.

Take up a Relaxing Hobby

Spend an afternoon at your local craft store and select a new hobby. A good hobby that really interests you will breathe new life into your day. You will be more relaxed and enjoy having a new interest. Whether you choose painting, playing an instrument, knitting, or even kite flying, choose something that will encourage calm and serenity.

Try a Relaxing Form of Eastern Meditation such as Tai Chi

Take time to focus from within and you will cultivate a spirit of self control over the anxiety-ridden external world.

Take a good book to bed with you each night and spend 30 minutes relaxing before you turn out the light. This will be calming and as you close yours eyes each night remind yourself of your many blessings.

Give Lots of Hugs and Kisses Daily

Even on your busiest days, stop and hug and kiss someone who is special to you. Your children, especially, need to know how much they mean to you. A show of affection will go a long way.

Spend time each day with a beloved pet. Studies have shown that when we care for a pet we release anxiety and tension, naturally.

Spend quality time with your loved one. Remember those special times with your spouse before the children came along. Nurture moments with just the two of you and you will relax, naturally

Replace that Uncomfortable Office Chair with an Ab Ball

Next time you leave for your office, stop, first into a fitness store and buy an Ab Ball. This ball will allow your core muscles to have a great wake up call. Just sit on your Ab Ball and then bounce on the spot! You will feel instantly refreshed and your co-workers will want to do the same!

Just as it is time to take your lunch, first bounce on your Ab Ball to get your gastro-juices going! You will firm up your body in no time and best of all you will have fun!

Breathe in the Gift of Life

We can all go for weeks without a crumb of food, days at a time without water, but, we can only go for minutes without good, pure oxygen.

The average person breathes very shallowly and this makes it almost impossible to be relaxed.

Sit yourself down, purposefully, and take in a slow deep breath in through your nose until you have properly filled up your lungs.

Hold in the air in for a moment and then very slowly exhale through your lips. Breathe deeply in this way for 4 – 5 times, a few times a day.

You will feel instantly refreshed!

Listen to the Gift of Music

As much as possible, always set your mood with background mood music. Some like traditional blues, some like jazz. Try the newer nature sounds, so you can be working to background sounds of tin pans, flutes and ocean waves crashing on the beach. Whatever you choose, make sure it relaxes and does not energize you. There is a time to be energized and a time to relax. For relaxation, select the mood music over the rock and roll or the hip hop.

Whozylee Aris is the author of various health related articles.Find more free tips on how to relax and leave stress behind athis how to relieve stress website. Visit http://www.whozylee.com/stressrelief.html

GA Fitness Tips – diet plan, exercises, weight loss and gain muscles latest information.

Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a great amount of anticipation, on your way to an important destination, a place you have always wanted to go.

Now notice that on either side of the road there is a ditch big enough to swallow your car.

Now imagine what your journey would be like if you kept your eyes only on the ditch. Perhaps you glanced at the road every few miles, but mostly your eyes are focused on he ditch. It’s likely that you would end up in the ditch and not make it to your destination.

Silly way to drive, huh? Then why do we live that way? It sure seems that is what many of us do when we start out to achieve important goals.

Ditch thinking

I call thinking this way ditch thinking. Focus on the ditch long enough, and you will wind up in the ditch, wondering how you got there.

Today let’s look at some signs and symptoms of ditch thinking, and then how to get out of the ditch and into destination thinking.

How to Do Ditch Thinking

Focusing only on everything that could go wrong. While it’s important and valuable to think ahead and anticipate what problems might lie ahead, it’s foolish to focus only on the obstacles.

Complaining about the ditch. “Look at that ditch! It just shouldn’t be there.” “It’s just too big not to notice it.” “I just can’t drive with that ditch over there.”

Instead of the old biting off more than you can chew, it’s thinking about more than you can chew. “Wow, I bet that ditch will be there the whole entire trip. I wonder if the road will get smaller and the ditch get bigger?”

Procrastinate. Put it off. CONvince yourself that you really will do it later.

Making excuses for yourself. To rationalize really means to believe rational lies.

Making problems obstacles instead

of challenges. I’ve never pursued a goal that didn’t have it’s share of challenges. If you turn them into obstacles you are blocked. A challenge is simply that: a challenge to see if you really mean it when you say you want to achieve something.

Blaming others.

Here are seven words guaranteed to drive you into the ditch, “we’ve always done it that way before.”

Listening to and then believing all the naysayers who say it’s impossible, you can’t do it. Remember that at one time it was considered impossible to fly, communicate by phone, fax or email, etc. etc. In each case, and in so many more, someone chose to not believe in the impossibility.

How to Do Destination Thinking

Begin. Simply begin.

Celebrate your progress. It builds momentum.

Break the journey down into small enough parts to make it manageable.

Focus on where you want to go.

Be creative. Creativity is simply the ability to look at something that has always been there and seeing something that has never been seen before.

Remind yourself regularly, even daily, about why you are pursuing this destination. An important enough why makes the how a whole lot easier.

Enjoying the trip. Even if it’s only the satisfaction of hard work, finding ways to enjoy the trip keeps you going.

Focus on what you will be able to do, that you can’t do now, when you achieve the goal.

Asking the question, “In how many ways can I accomplish want I want and enjoy the trip?”

Follow ditch thinking and you end up in the ditch. Follow destination thinking and you are much more likely to arrive at your destination.

It really can be that simple.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Modern stress is habitual, and is something that the vast majority of Americans and Britons succumb to in their material driven lives. Whether mildly or overwhelmingly, stress will cast its powers across most of us at some stage in our lives, often increasingly as we get sucked into a pattern of working and living that gradually strips us of our individuality.

Stress reduction has therefore become a “necessary” antidote industry. We may console ourselves by saying that our lives are fast paced; that this is what modern living is all about and we must pursue it frenetically; that people in those poor countries which have not adopted the Anglo-American way are just backward and will catch on eventually. But that is not just a consolation; it is both an illusion and a denial, and helps stress reduction in no way at all.

It is an illusion first of all that the average consumer has a fast paced life. A commuter may sit in a train twice a day, to and from their place of work; that train may move at a fast pace, but the commuter does not. They just sit there, their minds going over the same themes as always; last night’s tv, tonight’s tv, wishing they could have had another hour’s sleep or wishing they were already home and tucked up for the night’s slumber, or the day’s boredom at work behind them or before them. Drowned in tedium and repetition, the vacuum left in their daily lives is gradually filled with stress, as if it had a supporting role in their existence.

A tiring and repetitious daily routine can be a breeding ground for discontent and unhappiness, the real reasons for modern stress. If that routine is full of creativity, and control over one’s own actions, then it may not be a source of stress at all, or discontent. If, however, the individual is suppressed, then it can be a very different story. Most people are employees, whose lives are dictated by those above them and with no or little scope to think and do for themselves. They are particularly vulnerable to modern stress.

Caught up in the modern way of life, it is very easy to lose connection with yourself as an individual, for your individuality can be suppressed from all sides. I am sure I am not alone in having experienced that. I had lived the zombie like existence for over 20 years, and despite the fact that I had some very stimulating jobs, I had, almost unknowingly, lost track of life as it should be. Then in 1995, I packed it all in and started my own business, and started the long

haul to win back my individuality. But it was 1998 before I started to fully appreciate again what having control over your own life really meant. The 20 plus years were a blur; where had I been all that time?

One of the problems with modern stress is that it becomes a focus, along side the focus on purely material things such as the “need” to have a new car, a new house, the best clothes, the best tv and so on. Modern stress is a consumer product in itself, part of the material razzmatazz, that keeps the consumer in his or her place: a consumer, not a doer or a thinker; someone who plays by the rules and spends and borrows and spends and borrows to relieve themselves of the tedium and chase the shadow of achievement. Not real achievement; just its shadow.

That is not to say, though, that there is no relief from stress in the Anglo-American world. Those who are able to escape back to the real world now and again, and who can exercise sufficient self control regularly enough, will find that stress relatively easy to keep under control.

So how do we get to this other world, where we can manage our stress? There are portals all around you. Anything that will take your mind away from the self focus is a portal into this other world. Spending time with your children, and seeing life through their eyes for a while every day; the joy of discovery and play; but not as a drain upon your resources, and not as a part of your tedium. Spending time appreciating the wonders around you, the joys of nature, the little miracles that are within a short distance of where you stand or sit. Spending time travelling, helping others, seeing the true misery of people who are under the real stress caused by extreme poverty and disease, not the packaged consumer stress that we tend to think of.

This “other world” is a world of perspective. It is a world you used to know, but have somehow lost through lack of time. Yet, there was never any lack of time; that was an illusion too. This “other world” is also a world where you make the choices, consciously, not have them dictated to you by employers or weariness. A few simple choices each day can distract you enough to bring some relief to consumer induced stress. Fill the vacuum with your choices, and stress will not find such an easy way in.

This managing stress reduction article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner and part author of the Routes To Self Improvement website.

Case #1- Elizabeth, a 40 year old homemaker was always feeling angry and “used” by her family, constantly saying that everybody took advantage of her. She felt that she worked like a slave but her family showed no appreciation or acknowledgement of her many efforts.

Case #2- Bill, a 34 year old husband complained that his critical wife was always angry at him.

He spent his life trying to cope with her outrages which often escalated him into defensive anger which didn’t happen anywhere but in this relationship.

Case #3- Betty, a 42 year separated mother struggled with her soon to be ex-husband’s contempt and disrespect every time she angrily called him to discuss details of their divorce. These three cases bring up the question often asked by participants in our anger management classes: Is it possible to control how family members treat us? The short answer is “no” — but often we can teach them to treat us better!

Believe it or not, we are constantly teaching our family how to treat us— both by our responses to their behavior, and by the behavior we display to them which they react to. In our case examples:

- By automatically doing whatever her husband and children requested, Elizabeth was “teaching” them that there are almost no limits to what she would do for them.

- With his behavior, Bill was actually teaching his wife that the way to get attention from him (even if it was negative attention) was for her to create drama.

- Betty was so intimidated by her husband, that her defensive “attitude” was “teaching” him that to deal with her, he had to push back with the contempt and disrespect that he constantly showed her.

The dance of anger

Our interchange with family members is often like a carefully choreographed dance. They make a move. You make a move in response to their move. They then respond to what you said or did and …well, you get the idea!

How do you change the dance? Start by seeing yourself as a teacher—of how you would like your family to treat you.

Four ways to change what you teach others

1. Try a softer start-up. Marital research shows that the first few seconds of an interaction can predict the final outcome of the encounter. Try being softer, more polite, more

respectful, less hostile, or more empathetic—and see how this change in your approach actually teaches others to respond better to you.

2. Take a time-out before dealing with the conflict or situation. Conflicting or arguing family members often work themselves up to a point at which problem solving is impossible.

The solution is to retreat and give yourself time to calm down and think things over. This takes at least 20 minutes, often much longer. Before taking your time out, it is important to tell the other person that you will commit to returning soon to deal with the conflict, after you are calmer—then be sure to do it!

3. Acknowledge that you see how they must be seeing the situation. Called “empathy,” this response on your part teaches others that you care about their feelings and viewpoints, and opinions.

Acknowledgement doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with their viewpoint —only that you see it. Sometimes, your family needs to know that you care about them and respect their opinions before they listen to what you say.

4. Set limits and boundaries for your family members. Limits and boundaries are basically rules regarding acceptable behaviors toward you as well as what you are willing or not willing to do.

If you feel others are taking advantage of you, ask yourself what you may be doing ( or not doing )to give the message it is “ok” for them to do whatever they are doing. Often you can change their behavior toward you by teaching them different rules of being with you. The easiest way to do this is simply to respond differently yourself. For instance, they make you the core of a nasty joke. Being a nice person, you pretend it doesn’t bother you (even though it does), so you laugh with everybody else. As an alternative, try not laughing with them, which is a way of teaching them that they have crossed a boundary with you.

2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.

Dr. Tony Fiore (http://www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming The Anger Bee” at http://www.angercoach.com