I love a good story and I know I’m not alone. The evil villain, the adventurer or the sheer power of words captivate us and leave us wanting more. We join bookclubs to share our thoughts on the stories we’ve read. Great stories aren’t just in books and movies. We’re writing machines! Many of us self-publish our stories daily. If only we got paid for these stories. We do get compensated and it comes in the form of negative stress and overwhelm in our lives.

The stories we write range from small vignettes to the script for a feature length film. Take super-mom for example….super-mom lives in the story that she needs to do everything perfectly for everyone and often puts herself aside. The main character is both the hero and the victim at the same time. Or how about…I’ll be happier when I have more money, more time – fill in your own blanks. I’ve had a few clients who, as the main character in their own story, got so caught up in the details of the story – their day to day work – they somehow missed out on getting to what was really important to themself as the main character.

Stories like these do serve a purpose. They keep us busy ‘doing’ things so we can avoid ‘being’. They protect us from taking responsibility for what’s going on. They protect us from the possibility of failure or better yet, success or change. When we’re the main character in the story it’s often hard to write our way out. There is a way out! Write a new story

that helps you create exactly the life you deserve.

Three simple steps can help you get beyond the story and eventually eliminate them so that you make better use of your time, have happier and healthier relationships and get more or what you want.

Step 1. Notice that you’re in the story….. With compassion for yourself, you may have been the main character for so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be outside of the story. Sounds like a simple step and it is. The key to making any lasting changes is awareness.

Step 2. How is it serving you? What’s the story all about? Don’t be overly analytical here. The story likely makes you feel a certain way. What’s the feeling attached to the story? What’s the truth? What do you know for sure?

Step 3. Give yourself full permission to let go and let the real story unfold.

Make a choice….stay in the old story or rewrite the next chapter. How would you like things to be different, what’s the step you could take in this moment that moves you in that direction?

So what’s your old story? Is it helping you to live the life you deserve? Does your story hold you, as the main character, up to be your best as…creative, resourceful and most importantly whole? Start your new story today, the world is waiting and looking for you.

Debbie Kemp works as a coach to busy women who find themselves wrapped up in the stress and sometimes overwhelm that’s holding them back from having a joy-filled life.

Visit Debbie at….’aVirtualRetreat.com’….your online sanctuary for busy women

Contact me at dkemp@aVirtualRetreat.com

Whenever we think of ‘stress’, negative thoughts come into our minds. Most of us believe that stress is similar to worries, tensions, failures, sadness, pressures, and what not. Basically negative things. Dictionary meanings of stress are mental pressure, physical pressure, illness or an extra force on a word or syllable. These meanings also signify the negative attributes of stress whether directly or indirectly.

Stress is negative. This is what most of us believe or I must say we have started believing. This negativity ruins us. Whenever a person is under stress he feels strange, afraid, dull and weak in a way that now he can do nothing and needs a medicine or rest. This slows down our lives and destroys our creativity. In this world one thing is very interesting most of the people are mostly under stress. So how will be this world if we start believing stress as a positive force than a negative one.

Then this world will be a great place to live in.

Great philosopher OSHO emphasizes on positive side of stress. He believed that we suffer because of stress because we treat it as a condition or a position. So whenever we people are in a position or condition of stress we find ourselves weak and search for

some cure. BUT stress is an indication not a condition or a position. It is an indication of more strength, more energy, more enthusiasm and more life. Whenever someone has a cut on his body blood and pain are there. These are the indications that something is going wrong inside your body.

In same way, stress is an indication that something is going wrong around you and your body is ready to fight, so fight. If we take an example of business professionals they are mostly under stress. This stress is not gone if they start resting their bodies. This stress will go if they will work on their projects and finish them. It is the case with students also. When they are to take tests they are under stress and they go to a doctor or take a medicine and sleep. But then also stress is there. When they try and finish the syllabus stress is gone without any medicine.

So stress must be seen as a positive force and not a negative one. It should be treated as an indication of more power, more energy more enthusiasm and more life.

This will change our lives.

Bharat Gaurav Kapur

(Lecturer in Commerce)

Sri Aurobindo College of Commerce and Management,

Ludhiana, Punjab India.

E-mail – bgkapur_bg@yahoo.co.in

bgkapur_bg@rediffmail.com

We are told that ‘stress is the #1 killer today’, so stress reduction ‘is the #1 life saver today’.

Stress surrounds us constantly, from pressures at work, your relationships at home, global economics, climate changes and many others.

It is not stress that kills, but your inability to cope with stress does. How you cope and adapt to stress can be the difference from leading a productive and happy life … to being unhealthy, tired and burnt out.

But what to do?
There are countless stress reduction techniques out there. Which ones are good? Which ones are best for you?

You need to use stress reduction techniques that:

• suit your needs

• fit your lifestyle

• create a total balance

Simple.

Again there are literally thousands of techniques, all developed by experts. All saying they are the best at reducing stress.

How do you sift through them to find the best for you?

You don’t.

Look at techniques in groups; work out which group you identify with. Then apply a technique you enjoy. If it helps great. If not try another, until you find either a single technique or a variety that help you reduce your stress.

So which groups are there?

Mind Techniques

• Based on Meditation, these help to calm the mind which results in mental and physical stress reduction.

• These techniques include listening to tapes or CD’s, using ancient Mudra (hand positions) to create a quiet mind, Western or Eastern Meditative techniques.

• Use techniques you identify with … meditation teaches you to access levels of your mind where stress melts away. At these levels you can also use your mind to set goals, do affirmations, visualize and recharge your batteries.

Physical Exercise

• Walking, swimming, cycling, sport, Tai Chi, Yoga and other exercise can and will reduce stress.
• Exercise should be based on enjoyment, exercise you enjoy will create more benefits and quicker. More than so called ‘best’ exercise techniques that you don’t enjoy.

Natural Techniques

• From remedies to Acupressure, there are many effective natural techniques to reduce stress and to improve your health.
• Use techniques you identify with, as they will be best for you. Each of you is different … how stress affects you, how you cope and … which technique will reduce stress best.
• There is Homeopathy, Bach Remedies, and Supplements you can take internally to drop stress levels. There is Acupressure, Acupuncture, Massage, Reiki, Reflexology and many other techniques that can relax and calm you … physically and mentally.
• Using techniques that you can use at home are in my opinion best. You are able to reinforce the benefits you gain from seeing a practitioner. There are also many techniques you can use at home without consulting someone. Self-help techniques should be easy to do, quick in action and create benefits holistically … emotional, physical and general health.

Psychological Techniques

• the West has given you many to choose from:
  • journaling stress
  • taking a break from your routines
  • learning to say no
  • time management
  • prioritizing tasks
  • and thousands more
• These are great; all can create benefits of reduced stress, increases performance and productivity at work.
• They can take time to do, and time to become a habit. They are better suited to preventing stress than removing stress.

These are the four main groups. Within each there are countless techniques you can try. It may take you weeks, months or longer to try them. Using them for the required time to see benefits, before you find them to help … or not.

So this can create even more stress in your life. So what to do?

I have been treating patients since 1991. For many health complaints, most of

them are a result of some type of stress. The most effective ways I have used to get my patients to reduce stress and prevent it returning are as follows:

• lie down often
  • watch TV, read a book, listen to music or just relax

  • Gravity tires you out … so laying down more keeps your energy high. Try it! Lie down for 5 minutes every hour if you can. If you can’t achieve this at work, then lie down more often at home. On the floor, on the bed, or furniture … don’t sleep, just relax and lie down.

• look up more
  • When you look up at a 20 degree angle, you access the areas of your brain that release stress automatically.

  • Go for a 5-10 minute walk a few times a day and look up. Even walking around the office can help. Walking in fresh air is even better. Stress seems to melt away when you look up…

• stop thinking
  • Spend 30 minutes each day not thinking. Very hard to do initially, so start with a just 2-3 minutes. Tell yourself that ‘I will have no thoughts in my head’.
  • Watch as you state this, your mind will become very active initially. Thoughts will crowd your head … don’t resist them. Just watch as the thoughts occur, let them complete and others occur.
  • Eventually your mind will slow and become quiet. It may take a time if you are very stressed, but it will happen. As you can do it for a few minutes, extend the time to 30 minutes. There are techniques you can use to help speed up the process of slowing your mind down … ancient Mudra (hand positions) are used to quiet the mind and awaken your potential to use your mind.

• finally … be healthy
  • Healthy people are less stressed, more energized and happier.
  • Using self help techniques you can improve your health easily. Seeing a health practitioner at the same time will speed up the benefits and save time. Consult a practitioner that suits your needs:
    • Aches and pains – see a massage therapist, Chiropractor, Osteopath or Physiotherapist
    • Immune problems – Homeopathy, Naturopathy, Herbalist, Acupuncture or Acupressure
    • Emotional health – Reiki, Psychotherapy, Bach remedies, and many others
  • There are techniques to keep you healthy, get you healthy and to continually build your health. Self help techniques will aid any therapy no matter which needs you have.
  • Health is not the absence of symptoms; it is the absence of disease. Health is being high in energy, free of dysfunction in your body and mind. Like a fitness program it takes time … but there is no time like the present to start. Visit http://www.fast-stress-relief.com/tips-for-stress-relief.html for many self help techniques to improve your health.

Stress reduction is easy and simple. It is a process of combining simple and easy techniques that remove and prevent stress … and that improve your health.

Dr Graeme Teague is a Chiropractor, Kinesiologist, Homeopath and Reiki Master. He has been in practice since 1991, treating people with physical and emotional health complaints. His focus has been to teach patients to help themselves with easy and simple techniques. Techniques that take only minutes to do, requiring no time away from work or home life. Techniques to prevent stress, maintain health, improve energy and increase longevity. His web site is part of this focus, if you would like to link to the site:

- Home page http://www.fast-stress-relief.com

- Mind Techniques http://www.fast-stress-relief.com/mind-control.html

- Meditation Technique http://www.fast-stress-relief.com/meditation-technique.html

Fitness Tips – diet plan, exercises, weight loss and gain muscles latest information.

Everybody deals with fear and anxiety, however some people have a hard time in managing it. As a result, here is a brief list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their most persistent fears and anxieties.

When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, the first thing you can do is to divide the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at once. When this happens, a person should take a deep breathe and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get their mind off of the problem. A person could get some fresh air, listen to some music, or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things.

At times, a person might encounter a fearful thought that may be difficult to manage. A person should visualize a red stop sign which can serve as a reminder to stop thinking about that thought. This technique is good in dealing with obsessive and scary thoughts.

Sometimes we encounter a scary situation that gets

us all upset. When encountering these events, always remember to get all of the facts of the given situation. Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can rely on what is reality and what is not.

Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about our stressful situations. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or clergyman can not only make us feel better, but they might be able to give you additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem.

Although I am a layman and not a professional I have interviewed many psychologists and clergyman and I have over fifteen years of experience in dealing with fear. Dealing with our persistent fears is not easy, however there are many helpful resources available to us if you look hard enough.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods” – an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties.

For additional information go to: http://www.trebleheartbooks.com/mvStanPopovich.html

For free articles on managing fear please go to: http://www.managingfear.com/

Stress is more than just unpleasant. It’s dangerous. Try these relaxation techniques today, and use them whenever you feel that tension coming on.

1. Leave the room. This really helps if the things stressing you out are in the room or related to it. Just get out for a little while.

2. Take five deep breaths through your nose. Close your eyes and pay attention only to your breathing while doing this. This is like a mini-meditation.

3. Take a hot shower. The hot water relaxes your muscles, and the break from more stressful activities helps too.

4. Drink chamomile tea. It seems to have a calming effect on the nerves.

5. Stop and watch your mind. Often if you can spot the stressors lurking just below the surface (hunger, worry, a phone call you need to make), you can resolve them and feel more relaxed.

6. Laugh. You know from experience that this helps you relax, right? Find the guy that knows all the best jokes, or just find something funny in front of you.

7. Listen to relaxing music. Keep your favorite

relaxation CD at the office, or wherever you’ll need it most.

8. Take a walk. This is one of the best relaxation techniques if you have at least ten minutes to spare. Find a pretty place to walk while you’re at it.

9. Get a hug. As long as it’s from somebody you don’t mind hugging you, this really can be relaxing.

10. Break your routine. Talk to that guy sleeping on the bench, or eat lunch on the roof. Anything that breaks you out of your habitual patterns can relieve stress.

Why Easy Relaxation Techniques?

You can change yourself over time, so you’re naturally more relaxed. But if the thought of the work involved just stresses you more, you might have to take it slow. In the meantime, the relaxation techniques above really aren’t difficult, so why not try one or two today?

Steve Gillman writes on many self help topics including boosting brainpower, losing weight, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, learning gratitude, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. You’ll find more at http://www.SelfImprovementNow.com

“Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff” is what my friend told me at coffee the other day. We were talking about this column and it’s become a bit of a joke when I say “well, I guess I’ll make a list of all the things that stress me for the column this month.” So I shared with her a few of the things that sometimes stress me and that was her response. She’s a dear friend and I know I can always count on her to be honest with me. She has a calendar that reminds her daily not to sweat the small stuff. One of the recent days read ‘Would you rather be right or happy?’ Well, that’s easy – I’d rather be right!! Just kidding! (tee-hee) Of course I’d rather be happy. It’s what our consumer driven society tries to convince us that we’ll achieve if we’d only buy certain products. You know, I’m sure if I asked a lot of people how they would define happiness, I’d get different answers from everyone. Sadly, some of us have made happiness dependant upon something else. You hear people saying, “Well, I’ll be happy when I have $5,000.00 in the bank; when I get a better job; when I meet the right person; when I lose 20 lbs; and the list goes on. They are giving up their power to create happiness in their own life right now because they’ve made it dependant upon something that is future based.

The book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff” by Dr. Richard Carlson is one of my all time favourites. This little book is

profound in its simplicity and if you haven’t already done so, I’d recommend getting your own copy. The chapters are short and easy to read and it makes so much sense. It’s a great reminder of what is important in life. Some of my favourite chapters are: Chapter 4 – Be aware of the snowball effects of your thinking; Chapter 10 – Learn to Live in the present moment; Chapter 17 – Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair. If you are experiencing challenges in your life, you’ll be sure to find something in this book that will be enlightening. I wish I could succinctly tell you about all of them in this column.

Life can be challenging. There are those of us who choose to make a big fuss about small things – bit of lint on a counter; a few undone dishes in the sink – the perfectionists among us who feel obliged to focus on insignificant issues. But it’s the rare soul who goes through life problem free. Most of us have experienced some crisis in our lives, and it’s our response to these challenges that can create an opportunity to become a better person. The people who find the strength to move forward have learned that joyfulness comes from within and from being focused on today. We can choose to go through each day and see all the negatives or we can do as Dr. Carlson suggests in his book, and stop focusing on the insignificant things in life. Your happiness lies within and you can experience it now. It’s your choice.

Carole Fawcett is a Stress Management Consultant and Laughter Therapist.

http://www.afunnybusiness.ca

http://www.afunnybusiness.ca

Preparing for sleep the night before is the place to start. Quality sleep vs quantity is vital. A busy mind leading to broken sleep does not allow for a fresh mind on waking. Try some of these simple steps to help you sleep well and then wake well.

1. Use essential oils like Vetiver or Sandalwood in a vaporiser at bedtime to help you switch off and ground yourself so that you can enjoy quality sleep. Try vaporising my own “Sanity Saver” blend contain Vetiver, Geranium, Australian Sandalwood, Patchouli and Ylang Ylang. This simple and earthy blend stops your mind racing so that you can focus on one thing at once like sleeping. It helps to restore some peace and balance to your life during the busiest of times.

2. Reduce intake of alcohol the night before.

3. Sleeping in a cool and dark room, allows you to enjoy a more restful sleep.

4. Not too many heavy refined foods at night as they can lead to sluggish feelings in the morning.

5. Before you go to bed, write a quick note on any thoughts that are in your brain, getting them out allows you to release them until the next day.

6. The most common time for heart attacks is Monday morning, get the works stresses out of your mind before you go to sleep and keep the pressures off your body.

7. If you wake and you are sluggish, start with a cold shower or a brisk walk around the block, they both bring energy quickly to a tired soul.

8. Roll over and enjoy a moment with your partner, don’t just race off

to get into the work day, even if you are busy and have to go take a moment to be with them and make your heart smile.

9. Vaporise citrus or leaf essential oils like Orange, Lemongrass, May Chang or Grapefruit to enliven you and give you the maybe needed kick up the bum start to the day. These essential oils will help lift you physically and emotionally. Re-gain the feeling that you are really living and not just existing. Try vaporising my favourite morning blend I call it “Play More” and it contains Sweet Orange, Grapefruit, May Chang and Ginger essential oils.

Life Balancing expert Jennifer Jefferies is one of Australia’s best-known authors and speakers. Jennifer’s simple, practical and proven 7 Steps to Sanity can help bring balance to anyone who wants to have it all without sacrificing their health, sanity or sense of humour along the way.Jennifer is a qualified health practitioner, who speaks to corporations throughout Australia, New Zealand and Southeast Asia, sharing practical real-life strategies that help people to improve their health, wellbeing and productivity by finding balance in their lives.

Jennifer has also written numerous books and e-books and life balancing products. You can contact Jennifer at:

Jennifer Jefferies International Pty Ltd

Po Box 4298,

Elanora, QLD 4221 Australia

Phone: +61 7 55986035

http://www.jenniferjefferies.com

Alcohol Abuse information, tips, recovery and treatment.

As Montaigne said, “he who fears he will suffer, already suffers because of his fears.” We pay a huge cost for worrying, physically, mentally and emotionally; yet research shows that it affects most of us in some way. So what is it? From its original meaning of ‘to strangle’, worry has evolved over the centuries to our modern definition ‘mental distress or agitation, resulting from concern, usually from something impending or anticipated’. It is constantly dwelling on and evaluating possible consequences and outcomes of past or future bad events.

Is it a good thing to do? The rule of thumb should be that if worrying isn’t getting us anywhere, we are worrying too much. There are many negative effects worrying can have on us. If we worry all the time, our life is doubt. Worry destroys our peace of mind as unpleasant thoughts and images constantly intrude, affecting our ability to concentrate and think clearly. It leads to uncertainty and indecision, leaving us feeling paralysed and unable to act. Worried thoughts create tension in the body. They affect our ability to sleep. Physical problems associated with worry include headaches, digestive troubles, high blood pressure, sickness and asthma. Extreme worry can lead to panic attacks. It diminishes the effectiveness of our immune system, and makes us look older too!

So why do we do it? Our minds are extraordinary instruments, able to take advantage of everything we have learned through experience as well as imagine what may potentially happen in the future to help us figure out what to do. Worry has been described as imagination gone awry. Because worry is a type of mental stimulation, it can become a habit and addiction. Once we understand that worry is a habitual response, we can

change it.

The first step to breaking the worry pattern, therefore, is awareness. Noticing the effect worry has on our bodies helps us recognise the triggers and identify our fears. It is then possible to actively challenge those worrying thoughts and change our mindset. However much we may wish to, we will never be able to control everything. So ask yourself whether you can do anything about whatever it is causing you worry. If you can, then do it; if you can’t then accept that worrying isn’t going to help in any way. Taking any sort of positive action is a better use of our energy, and just physically doing something can distract us from our worry. Taking even a small step towards solving a problem can make us realise it isn’t so big after all and help break that cycle of indecision, so helping us feel more in control.

Keep worry in perspective and give yourself permission to have fun. Laughter increases our immune cells and releases the endorphins in our brain, so let’s use our imaginations in a more positively creative way. There is no certainty in life as we cannot predict the future. Therefore worry will always be with us. But wasting time and energy on worry means we are only living half a life. Therefore let’s CHOOSE to worry less and live more.

© Frances Hall

After many years working in film and music, Frances changed career direction completely to find what for her is a more fulfilling way to live. Now an accredited life coach, massage therapist and writer, she is doing what she’d rather be doing – helping people get the most out of their lives. Her intention is to “Liberate Inspire Focus Empower”. Check out http://www.lifematters.gb.com

Feeling stress in the work place is a very common issue in many organisations both large and small. For workers, the result of such stress is reduced job satisfaction. In extreme cases this can degenerate further into physical and psychological symptoms such as muscular aches and pains, weakened immunity, irritability and depression to name a few. This ultimately leads to feeling burnt out. For the organisation, there is also an impact. Firstly a worker that is suffering from stress and burn out will typically be quite unproductive because of absenteeism and/or less than satisfactory job performance. The impact on the organisation will also vary depending on the type of role the worker engages in. For example a stressed out salesman who develops a detachment towards clients can potentially affect the public perception of the organisation. Similarly a stressed out worker involved in producing goods will not produce anywhere near his/her optimal output. There can also be an indirect impact on other fellow co-workers due to lower morale.

Before one can look at how to deal with work place stress, it is important to look at the various sources of such stress. Stress will be either due to personal reasons or because of workplace issues. Personal stress can include anything unrelated to the actual workplace such as relationship issues, family conflicts, financial concerns etc. Workplace stresses will be based on either the nature of the job itself or the nature of the organisation or both. The job itself may be too much of a load for the one person due to either lack of resources (people and equipment) or time. There may be some form of ambiguity as to what the actual role of the job is exactly. From an organisational perspective, there may be simply low morale due to downsizing and cost cutting. The management of the organization may also

be perceived as not treating their workers fairly. Or perhaps the actual conditions of the workplace are below an acceptable standard.

Because workplace stress can be either personal or organisational, addressing and managing this stress will require a proactive approach from two angles. Personally, there is a lot one can do ensure that he/she is feeling content and happy including getting regular rest, exercising, eating well and even seeking professional help if necessary. If the stress is due to the nature of the role or organisation, then the worker must speak to the relevant authority, i.e. the manager or other individual, to discuss the concerns. If discussing this does not solve the issue, perhaps it is time to move on – there may simply be not a good fit between the individual and the job, or the individual and the company.

Finally the organisation can also be quite proactive in minimizing the workplace stress felt by its workers. Roles can be redesigned to fit the individuals. Appropriate training or change management programs can be put into place to support the workers. The HR division within the company may also need to look at better strategies for recruiting the right people. For large organisations, stress management and wellness programs can also be introduced. The organisation has a lot to gain by implementing one or more of the above suggestions – increased morale, decreased absence, decreased turnover, increased performance and productivity, and ultimately growing profits.

David Tomaselli is the creator of the Wholistic Development Exchange. The Wholistic Development Exchange is a web site focusing on Stress Management. Here you can access frequently updated tips, news and resources on how to reduce stress and manage stress.For the latest tips go to Stress Management Tips and Techniques.To download free E-Books go to our Free Stress Management E-Books Section.

In my experience, most of us spend a lot more time living in problem land, griping and complaining, than we do in solution land, working hard and enjoying solving problems.

It’s almost become a national past time. Just check out a talk show or a self help book. Almost all the time and space is spent describing, giving examples, and complaining about the problem, with, if we’re lucky, only a glimpse at possible solutions.

Drives me nuts.

Having said all that, let’s look at some signs and symptoms of problem land and some signs and solutions for solution land.

How to Live in Problem Land

Complain. A lot. Raise it to an art form.

When something goes wrong, immediately look for someone to blame.

A cousin to the one above, when something goes wrong, take no responsibility for changing things.

Keep a working list of all offenses ever done to you, and bring them up when anything bad happens.

Spend 95% of your time focusing on and complaining about the problem, and only 5% on working toward a solution. This my biggest gripe with most self-help books.

Make lots of disempowering, self-defeating statements, such as: “This isn’t fair.” “This shouldn’t be happening”“This isn’t my fault”

Follow this up with disempowering, self-defeating questions, such as:“Why is the world out to get me?”“Why doesn’t God like me?”

Or as Rabbit says in Winnie the Pooh, “Why does this always happen to me? Why, oh why, oh why?”

All of above factors keep your focus on the problem instead of the solution. At best, you may be able to get someone to feel sorry for you, and at worst, you stay stuck in the problem.

How to Live in Solution Land

Number one rule. When problems arise (and they will), look for solutions. In the movie “Rising Sun”, actor Sean Connery has this great line, “In America, when

something goes wrong, we look for someone to blame. In Japan, when something goes wrong, they look for solutions.”

Consider this quote from Richard Bach, author of “Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.”: “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it’s hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts.”

Ask questions that lead to action, such as: “How can I make this work for me?”“What might be the gift for me in this problem?”

Spend no more that 5% of your time and energy complaining about the problem, and 95% of your time and energy creatively solving the problem.

Consider these solutions oriented questions from motivational expert Tony Robbins:

What’s not perfect yet?

What’s good about this problem? If you can’t think of anything good, ask “If there was something good about this, what would it be?”What am I willing to do to solve this problem?

What am I willing to no longer do to solve this problem?

What actions can I take that will help me solve this problem and enjoy the process?

“There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice and small enough to solve quickly.” Attack problems early and head on, before they have a chance to grow.

I’ll close with a fantastic quote from W. Mitchell, one to live by: “It’s not what happens to us in life that makes the difference. It’s what we do about it.” In other words, we have the power of choice. Problem land or solution land, which will it be for you?

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.