You may be thinking, “What does steel pipe have to do with me?” More than you might realize. It’s not just steel pipe that needs to be strong enough to tolerate reasonable levels of stress. Cultivating inner stress tolerance may be your most effective stress management strategy.

The Stress Equation

What causes stress? Most people blame the symptoms of stress – which may include anxiety, insomnia, depression, fatigue, on-going health problems, irritability and anger – entirely upon stressful circumstances.

Circumstances comprise only one part of the stress equation, however. The other critical factor is what I call, “internal stress tolerance.”

When leaking or bursts of water occur during stress tests on steel pipe, two conditions must be present: intense water pressure, and inherent flaws or weaknesses in the pipe. The flaws are exposed under pressure.

Similarly, the symptoms of stress often reflect a combination of stressful circumstances and internal problems. Most people focus exclusively on the first part of the stress equation – their circumstances. But internal issues must also be resolved to successfully conquer the symptoms of stress.

Evaluate Your Choices

First, evaluate the first part of the equation – stressful circumstances. Are you driven to excessive busyness? If so, why? Do you feel the need to be all things to all people? Is your self-worth wrapped up in having others admire you for your performance? Have you created a busy, crisis-oriented lifestyle in order to avoid facing your problems?

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes”, it’s time to take ownership for your hectic lifestyle and make changes. Superwoman is a myth; anyone who aspires to this title will eventually pay the price with a physical or emotional breakdown.

You probably don’t want to hear this, but suffering from anxiety, sickness, fatigue or any other stress symptom could be one of the best things that ever happened to you. After all, there’s only one way to find out what’s inside a sponge – you must squeeze it. Similarly, pressures and trials expose emotional and spiritual problems; we can no longer bury them and pretend they don’t exist. That frees us to start making constructive changes.

If you are suffering from the symptoms of stress, make the most of this time to learn more about yourself and the “why” behind your choices.

Building Internal Stress Tolerance

Now that you have evaluated your lifestyle choices, it’s time to work on the second part of the stress equation: internal stress tolerance.

Genuine peace, strength and joy have nothing to do with circumstances. They can never be found through money, possessions, success or even the best of relationships. Rather, they emanate from the lives of those who have mastered the art of trusting God. The Bible provides a timeless proven remedy for anxiety: “He who

dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Ps. 91:1-2).

Those who desire God’s presence above all else find refuge from the storms of life. A refuge is not an escape; it is an inner state of peace and confidence that transcends our circumstances, providing peace and protection in the midst of the most violent storms.

In practical terms, trusting God means that we daily take our concerns, fears and needs to Him. Each day, we take time to seek His wisdom, refreshing and grace.

I can think of many times when my circumstances seemed impossible, or my heart was crushed, or discouragement threatened to overwhelm me. But as I spent time in God’s presence, I experienced the power of the biblical promise, “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:7).

God’s promises never fail. If we will let go of our desire to control and instead entrust our dreams, fears and hopes to our faithful heavenly Father, we will find peace. We will receive supernatural wisdom for dealing with every problem we face. Empowered by His strength, we will not be crushed by tragedy or failure, nor will we become sick or emotionally distressed every time we face a setback or trial.

Inner peace has nothing to do with the absence of stress, tragedy and pain; it has everything to do with Whom we trust, as illustrated in the following story.

An art contest was advertised. The theme of the contest was “Peace”, and a prize would be awarded to the artist who most effectively depicted peace.

The day for the entries to be judged arrived, and the various paintings were displayed in a gallery. Typical scenes portrayed by the artists included ducks floating serenely on a quiet pond; palm trees blowing gently in the ocean breeze; moonlight reflecting off a tranquil mountain lake.

One painting stood out in stark contrast to the others. At first glance, it seemed anything but peaceful. A violent storm raged over the dark and dreary scene. Trees were bent by a blustering wind. Giant waves threatened to flood a riverbank.

In the midst of the chaos was an oak tree. Cradled under its branches was a nest; there, protected under the body of their mother, three baby robins slept peacefully, oblivious to the storm that raged around them. It was this painting that won the prize.

You also can know the security that enabled these baby robins to rest peacefully in the midst of a violent storm. Make God your refuge – and He will empower you to walk through any storm and remain strong, peaceful and secure. He won’t always change your situation, but He will change how you respond to it.

Judy Rushfeldt is an author, speaker, and online magazine publisher (http://www.LifeToolsforWomen.com) whose passion is to help women reach their dreams. Her latest book, Making Your Dreams Your Destiny – a woman’s guide to awakening your passions and fulfilling your purpose, is available in quality bookstores in Canada and in the United States. You can read more about this book and order online at: http://www.MakingYourDreams.com

Did you know that 1 in 2 people have experienced stress by the time they are 40? So, are you suffering from stress and can you cope?

Admitting you cannot cope

Okay, so you admit it. You are stressed. It takes courage to recognise you cannot cope and you’re suffering, but it’s the first step to beating stress. And the solution to every problem starts with taking that first step. Trouble is, most people cannot see it.

You are often the last person to see you have a problem. If you were to ask your friends and family, they would tell you. But they won’t tell you unless you ask(they don’t want to be rude!).

But now that you have taken the first step, what part of your life do you not enjoy anymore? When do feel on edge? Do you have time for your own indulgence? To relax? To do something for yourself?

Does that feel selfish? Are you starting to resent all the responsibilities, jobs, tasks or people who fill your life night and day? Or maybe, it’s been like that

for as long as you can remember.

It’s time to stand back, take stock and take action.

Recognising the signs of your distress

How do you know if it’s stress you’re suffering from? What are the symptoms to look for? There are 3 different types of symptom, physical, emotional and mental.

Physical symptoms can include,

· Heart pounding

· Headaches

· Sweaty palms

· Indigestion

· Skin breakouts

· Shortness of breath

· Cold hands

· Sleeplessness or sleeping too much

· Fatigue

· Nausea

· Diarrhoea

· Tight stomach

· Tight muscles or pain

Emotional symptoms can include,

· Moodiness

· Irritability

· Depression

· Anxiety

· Lack of sense of humour

· Abrasiveness

· Hostility

· Nervousness

· You can be easily upset

Mental symptoms can include,

· Forgetfulness

· Loss of concentration

· Poor judgement

· Disorganisation

· Confusion

· Lack of interest in anything

· Simple maths errors

· Inability to think when required

· Negative self-talk

You may experience any combination of these symptoms. As everyone is different you may react in different ways.

Recognising and admitting your problems, if only to yourself, is an important start. The next stage is discover what you can do about it. And it doesn’t necessarily mean medication or pills.

You may not realise it, but there are many natural ways of relieving and managing stress that are much kinder to you and your health.

You owe it to yourself to discover what’s best for you.

The stress doctor provides advice, tips, tools and techniques for beating your stress problems. You can get a free short report “18 health problems linked to stress you should know about” or subscribe to “Living a stress free life” at http://www.howtobeatstress.com

I have people asking me constantly for simple stress management techniques to take the edge off. Let’s face it, we are moving forward at a pace today that supersedes anything in human history. And, last time I checked, we are not doing so well. Just read the latest statistics in regard to our health in this country and the trend is shocking. We are doing more with less resources and trying to fit it all in at an absolutely blistering pace…something’s got to give! All the latest information and analysis shows us that the ordinary day to day stress in our lives is responsible for two-thirds of all doctors’ visits! Folks, that’s everything from the common cold to heart disease and cancer, and if stress is not the primary cause of the problem, it is certainly a contributing factor.

When I was working as a police officer I became certified as a stress management practitioner and began working with people who were immersed in stress through their jobs as emergency services personnel. I know from personal experiences the effects that stress can have on the body and our mental health. By far the most important stress management technique I always teach people first involves simple breathing! I know what you are thinking…you are already breathing all day long. True, but most of you are doing it all wrong!

I will watch my co-workers while they are typing, intensely focused on some project. Their breathing is so shallow it’s amazing they are able to even sustain their life! Not only is their breathing shallow, but it is also mostly done with the upper chest. This is not an efficient way to breathe and it robs the body of precious oxygen. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty thrilled oxygen is still free and since I’m not paying for it I’m going to take in as much as I can. When it comes to breathing you can splurge and be greedy!

Proper breathing begins in the diaphragm. The diaphragm acts as a bellows in the body and as it expands it pulls air into the lungs.

Filling the lungs properly will provide you with amazing results in reducing stress. All that oxygenated tissue will help every process of the body including your ability to focus, digest food, and relax muscles, just to name a few. Virtually every aspect of your physical and mental health can be improved with proper breathing.

Let’s take a look at how we can take a proper breath. Put one hand on your chest and your other hand on your stomach. Now take in a full and complete breath, filling your lungs with as much air as possible. Once you have finished inhaling then exhale, keeping your hands in place. Take another breath and this time pay close attention to how your hands move. What you’re shooting for is to have the hand on the stomach move outward from the body first as the lungs fill with air. As more air fills the lungs then the upper hand should move outward from the body as your chest expands. When you exhale the hand on the chest should move in before the hand on the stomach and you should exhale fully and completely.

I would recommend you take 40 deep breaths every day. By the way, don’t do this all at once unless you enjoy feeling faint, I don’t want you hyperventilating and passing out! I like to pick something to remind myself to breathe. Typically, I watch the clock and that can cause me to start to feel stress in the form of muscular tension coming into the body. So, every time I find myself looking at my watch, I pause to take a full diaphragmatic breath. I also use this technique when the phone rings, so before I answer I have taken a full breath and felt a wave of relaxation wash over me. It really helps me prepare for whatever I may be facing. This also works well for those times I feel that anger coming on due to the daily opportunities for personal development and growth my 15 year old daughters’ drama brings into my life.

You just can’t find an easier technique that can do so much for helping to control stress. Try this for yourself for the next week. Make the commitment to change this one aspect of your life and you will begin to see the power of simple stress management techniques. In part two of this article we will explore the power of setting a positive intention.

Rodger Ruge is a retired police officer, stress management trainer and author of The Warrior’s Mantra, Barricade Books. Rodger is available for seminars and training on stress management. You can contact Rodger through his website at http://www.readyforce.net.

Stress is our internal, personal response or reaction to these pressures. Stress is how well we handle – or don’t handle pressures. Too much self-imposed stress can affect us mentally, emotionally and physically. Our health can deteriorate, we can become depressed and easy to anger. We may look for chemical “escapes” or possibly even think of suicide.

It would help if we remember that our perspective of an event or situation is based on our programming – or thought filters. If our view of the present is distorted and/or our programming (filtering) is flawed, we will imagine (image) a severely distorted future which may unfortunately be a pretty sad sight. Thank goodness it is absolutely impossible for anyone to predict the future with 100% accuracy. There are simply too many variables.

Nevertheless, we all do it and usually with the conviction that what we have projected is reality. To a certain extent, it is because the images are so real in our minds even though they may be very negative and horrible. The subconscious mind buys into this as if these things were all fact. The more we think (image) and feel the emotions associated with these future projections, the more real they become.

Frequently then, our worst fears become reality simply because we have focused on them to the point we have led ourselves to do

and say the exact things that were needed to materialize that which we dreaded most. We did it to ourselves…

So – what can we do about it?

First, we can take responsibility for our own thoughts and emotions remembering that we really do have the ability to control both their intensity and how long they last. Then, we can begin to take steps to reduce the pressures. By emphasizing and focusing on the positives of life, we will almost automatically start moving away from the negatives and the pressures they produce.

Next, we can start our own problem pest control business. By looking at our pressures one at a time, we can determine if there is a basic problem behind each one, then lay out a plan to solve the problem. Something needs to change – either us or the situation. We need to decide which and do something! This is the only way change will occur. The results may not be exactly what we expect, but there will be a change and it will probably be at least in a direction that in the long run will improve our lives dramatically.

It’s worth a try, don’t you think?

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It’s a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/

gene@nupathz.com

There are those who believe that Americans aren’t actually experiencing more stress, but rather that we just can’t handle it as well as our forefathers. While it’s true that the rate of anxiety attack and anxiety disorder is increasing, there’s also scientific evidence that there are a greater number of stressors today than there were in years past.

About 20 years ago, a study was performed to gauge how stress had increased in the prior 100 years. In a nutshell, the study found:

* You have over one thousand times the number of stressors each day that your great grandfather had.

* You experience over 300,000 individual stressors daily that your body processes unconsciously.

* Only ten percent of those stressors are psychological or social; the rest are physical, chemical, and electromagnetic.

* There are 500,000 synthetic chemicals in our environment that didn’t even exist 100 years ago. They permeate our food supply, water and the air inside and outside our homes.

* There are over 200,000 electromagnetic frequencies in our environment that didn’t exist in nature 100 years ago.

Combining stressors like chemical pesticides, electromagnetic smog, impossibly busy schedules, a demanding job, family obligations, and accelerating change creates a cascade of physiological responses that will lead to disease if not properly removed or discharged.

Stress relief is crucial, but it doesn’t have to take the form of pharmaceuticals to ameliorate anxiety disorder and anxiety attack. New Age stress management techniques can lessen anxiety and provide stress relief. The first

step in utilizing New Age stress management techniques is to have a thorough understanding of why our minds naturally cling to old ways of dealing with stress.

When you encounter situations or people that threaten or challenge you, you experience stress. When you experience stress, a change occurs in your brain chemistry that favors quick thinking over rationality. This same response dampens what you feel within your body. Although this fight or flight mechanism served our ancestors well when they were living in the wild, today it can cause serious health disorders and disease.

When you’re stressed, you move unconsciously and continuously into a state of readiness (for the “attack” that never happens) that prevents you from noticing the stress and strain you are under. Your conscious mind denies the effects of stress and relies on the powerful subconscious mind to defend against the onslaught of imagined physical harm. As a result, your mind sabotages any real progress toward deep and skillful relaxation, as this seems dangerous to a mind under perceived threat.

Ironically, you find yourself fighting against your own self-defense mechanism. And there’s no way to win the battle until you retrain yourself to respond differently to those things that cause an anxiety attack or anxiety disorder. Retraining yourself does not require a change in external circumstances. It simply means that you must alter how the external situation affects your inner world of thoughts and feelings, since these directly affect your physical body and health.

This is where stress management new age solutions come into play. In this age, new stress relief techniques can alleviate the harmful effects of stress through relearning a new response to stress triggers.

Chris Robertson is an author of Majon International, one of the worlds MOST popular internet marketing companies on the web.Visit this New Age Website and Majon’s New Age directory.

When there is no stress in our lives, we become lifeless. We wander aimlessly. Beware, because this is worse than death – it is living death. We must always have a goal or a deadline. This is the only way to move forwards.

I use to play a lot of computer games when I was 11. I would look forward to Friday nights, because I could play all night until about 3am, sometimes longer. The next morning, after a very short sleep, I would be in an unproductive state. I would accomplish no homework, no housework,

or any work. I might have had a few naps here and then but I lived a ‘half-life’ for the day. This would continue for the whole weekend, and on Monday I would feel tired and stressed out. Looking back I feel regret. Such unproductivity, even to the extent of damaging my health and vitality.

Embrace stress because stress helps us expand our comfort zone, making us achieve the seemingly impossible. Stress can make or break us. Many have let stress overcome them, and now they are drug addicts, alcoholics and mad men. Don’t let that happen. Make sure YOU overcome stress. If so, stress will become your saviour.

Cheers

Kit

This is an excerpt from Kit’s blog, ‘Only One Life To Live’. To read more on how to live your life to the max, go to his blog at:

http://onlyonelifetolive.blogspot.com/

Alcohol Abuse information, tips, recovery and treatment.

If you find yourself reading a book or attending a seminar that says you can eliminate all stress, either throw the book down or leave the room.

You cannot eliminate stress. But you can learn to handle stress successfully.

Let’s look at six different strategies for successfully handling the stress in our lives. Each can be used separately or in conjunction with the others.

1. Talk it out

Whatever we don’t talk out, we act out. That’s a basic rule of mental health. If we don’t discuss the issue, it’s sure to surface in some other way.

2. Take mini-vacations

It’s a mistake to think that we can push hard all year (or maybe longer) and then expect that all our stress can be healed in a one or two week vacation. It just doesn’t happen.

Our bodies, minds and spirits need more frequent breaks. This is especially true if you are one of those people who schedules a vacation as they would a typical work day, so as to get the most out of it.

3. Distinguish between stress and pressure

Stress comes from the outside; pressure, on the other hand, is an inside job. Pressure is what we tell ourselves about the stress.

Here’s a saying I came across recently:

“All the water in the ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside.”

Sometimes, telling ourselves something as simple as “I can handle it” is all we need to keep the stress outside of us.

4. Create

your own relaxation triggers

This exercise involves three simple steps that allow you to relax anywhere, any time.

Step 1: Picture yourself in a relaxing place. Create as much detail as you can in the picture, making it bright and colorful. Immerse yourself in the scene: See it, hear it, feel it.

Step 2: While you are picturing yourself in this place, create an immediate trigger that will instantly remind you of the relaxed feeling. It could be a snap of the fingers, a word or phrase, or a mental picture. It should quickly and strongly remind you of your relaxing place.

Step 3: When you find yourself in a stressful situation, simply fire off your relaxation trigger and feel the almost-instant relief.

5. Stop worrying

That sounds too simple, but just consider for a moment: What good, what change has come about from worrying?

6. Take action

Do something about what is causing you to worry. It’s difficult to worry when you are busy doing something about it.

This list began with a suggestion that you talk about your stress. That’s a good idea, most of the time. It can become a bad thing, though, if that’s all you do.

To make stress work for you, it’s essential that you take concrete action.

So there are six strategies for making stress work for you. Here’s one more suggestion: Practice one of these each day for the next six days.

At the end of those six days, you’ll have strong tools for dealing with stress.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Back in 1991 I met an elderly man in the grocery store. He must have been around 87. Approaching my cart, he leaned in and said “young lady would you like to know how to get to be my age?” To which I answered “sure”. He then went on to explain that since he had been my age and out on his own, never once did he ever spend a sleepless night in bed. If he should have trouble dosing off, or worse—wake in the middle of the night, he simply & promptly got up out of bed and got busy about living.

At 22 I was not in the habit of having trouble falling asleep. No—in fact my trouble was choosing to go to sleep when there was always so much fun to get into. Now at 35, I fully appreciate the words this man offered to me. In my case, rarely is a sleepless night caused randomly. However, nights like that have occurred to me as well.

Here are some suggestions of things to do —should sleep evade you.

1. Have a cup of herbal tea and read a relaxing book to start your day… or before trying sleep again.

2. Have a cup of coffee and read some motivational literature to jump start your morning.

3. Put on music, or a spoken word tape / CD if necessary to shut off the chatter in your mind.

4. Take care of any physical symptoms that are bothering you—headache, upset stomach, heart burn.

5. Take action on any issue on your mind-

   • you can write out an action plan for the next few months, weeks, days, hours ahead (break it down into manageable chunks) this will help you to feel like you have control by having a plan and thereby not giving up on yourself and the issue.

   • you can organize any materials that might pertain to that area of life.

   • read information on the topic—becoming informed sometimes has a calming affect.

   • put in any direct effort to move the situation along possible. Bite the bullet so to speak—take the action you have been delaying.

6. Do something else productive around the house. Find something you can do without bothering others that will free up your day time later. If you get stuff out of the way at night—you can spend the daytime addressing any issue that has your sleep disturbed.

7. Set some more goals for you life.

8. Visualize where you want to be

   in 4 months, in 1 year, in 3 years, in 5 years, in 8 years, in 10 years, up through old age.

9. Write these down and read them repeatedly. Focus on where you are headed, rather than on the current tough spot.

10. Dream of vacations you will take. Then plan how you can get that accomplished. Set a goal or a course of action.

11. Write letters (real letters hand written) to your children, parents, or closest friends. Try to focus on the good in your life and your goals ahead. The more you focus on the good the better you will feel.

12. Find something or someone to be involved with other than yourself—who can you be thinking good thoughts for? Who is in need of positive thoughts and/ or prayer? Spend some time thinking about those who touch your life daily, and the lives of all those you care for—the list could be endless. Spend positive time wishing all those extended people happiness, health, and blessings.

13. Take review of your life- have you forgotten any celebrations lately? Have you left unnoticed and concerns that affect your loved ones? Write a couple notes and take the proper steps to connect with them regarding those issues now.

14. Plan out 17 surprises for your mate, children, parents, or best friends. The 17 surprises can be plotted on a calendar waiting to be launched at a time later.

15. Re-read your goals you set. Re-read them as things you have, or are in the midst of. (do this several times)

16. Take a bath to relax and try sleep again.

17. Take a shower to wake up.

18. Exercise.

19. Work on a hobby, read a book, watch a happy video.

20. Meditate.

After doing all of these things, one of 2 things will happen. Either 1) you will be so tired you are able to fall back asleep. OR 2) the sun will be due to rise – rain or shine, and your day will be ready to move forward.

We spend a lot of time wasted… but there is much to do. The next time you have trouble sleeping try the above suggestions. And feel free to email the things that have worked for you—I am always happy to add to my list.

Until next time– All the best,

Kate

About The Author

Kate Hufstetler is a well established personal and relationship coach who has helped many individuals like yourself to beat “the blues” and gain control over their lives. Her clients come from both the United States and overseas. She offers coaching services via email and phone consultations at flexible timing and financing to meet your every need. Through personal, business, spiritual mentorship, she could help you too! Please visit for available packages within your range: http://www.comedreamwithme.com/start_today.html

Kate@comedreamwithme.com

One way to avoid becoming overwhelmed by all the extra activities that September brings is by remembering to schedule in personal “down time.” This means taking a chunk of time for yourself each and every day to relax, unwind, and plan.

“Anna” is a client of mine who has given me permission to share her story. I’ve been coaching Anna for a while, and we just resumed our work together after a month off. Anna owns a business selling her own artwork. She also has a husband, two kids, a dog, a cat, and a parrot. Her business, like many, is slow in the summer months, which works out well for her because she can spend extra time with her kids. Just two weeks ago, though, she started to see more orders coming in from her website for custom-made designs, and she panicked.

“All of a sudden, I realized that I had just one week to take my kids school clothes shopping AND school supply shopping, get Butter [the dog] to the vet because he can’t seem to stop scratching his ear, meet with the new web designer and get him the materials he’s going to need, and find the time to make and ship two products which I wasn’t expecting orders for. This is in addition to all the OTHER stuff I have to do, like grocery shop, cook, clean up, and spend time with my family.

So what did I do? I freaked out. Instead of getting to work, I sat on the couch and watched talk shows.”

Although the details and tasks will be different for everyone, this is a familiar tale for ADDers. Life seems to be rolling along fine and then, out of nowhere, the to-do list seems too big to handle. Overwhelm sets in, and it’s easy to shut down under the weight of the pressure.

Anna and I discussed this challenge, and the fact that she’s dealt with it before. In fact, every year at this time,

she finds herself even more overwhelmed than usual. When I reminded her of this, she responded with amazement. “You know, you’re right! And when this happened last year, what helped was taking time out for myself.”

It did help. I remember talking with Anna and encouraging her to slow down and take care of herself. She protested, like many ADDers do, “How can I possibly slow down when I have so much to do?”

But the truth of the matter is that slowing down helps an ADDer get centered, de-stress, and gain control. So Anna and I worked out some ways that she could slow down, and make life about more than her to-do list, even though there was a lot to be done. We decided she would:

Go to the gym in the morning, because she likes to work out and she finds it helps keep her stress levels down

Find a babysitter and go on a “date” with her husband one night a week, because she likes to spend quality time with her husband

Take 15 minutes every evening before bed to plan out the tasks that she can reasonably accomplish the next day, because she likes to feel in control of her time

“It really helped,” Anna said as she remembered her life at this time last year. “I was having fun so I wasn’t so stressed all the time, and so all the things I had to do seemed more manageable. And once I established a planning routine, I didn’t feel frustrated or surprised by new things when they came up.”

Anna decided that she needed to implement this “slow-down” time once again. It’s only been a day, but she went back to the gym, scheduled lunch and a movie with her husband for Sunday, the kids have their school supplies, and Butter’s itchy ear has been treated!

When I asked permission to share her story, Anna offered this tip: “Tell your readers that planning is the thing that really makes all the difference! Sometimes I need to slow down in order to speed up.”

© Copyright 2004

About The Author

Jennifer Koretsky is an ADD Management Coach who helps adults learn how to manage their ADD and move forward in life. She offers individual and group coaching, workshops, and skill-building programs. Her work has been featured in various media, including The New York Times Magazine and The London Times. Subscribe to Jennifer’s free email newsletter, The ADD Management Guide, by visiting http://www.ADDmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm.

addmanagement@addmanagement.com

REACTING creates more problems.

RESPONDING solves problems.

REACTING says things like “Why does this always happen to me?” “This is just not fair” or “This shouldn’t be happening!”

RESPONDING says “I don’t like what is happening, it’s really inconvenient, so how do we best deal with this?”

REACTING escalates an argument and leads to no solutions.

RESPONDING defuses an argument and sets the stage to seek solutions.

REACTING creates anger and distance in relationships.

RESPONDING creates connection and intimacy in relationships.

REACTING keeps you dealing with the same problems over and over, without achieving any long-term solution or elimination of the problem.

RESPONDING allows you to consider the current problem, possible sources of the problem, and the multitude of solutions available when you respond with reasoned creativity.

REACTING demonstrates ignorance, which is applied lack of understanding.

RESPONDING demonstrates wisdom, which is applied understanding and knowledge.

REACTING causes us to act as if we have no knowledge, experience

or wisdom.

RESPONDING allows us to use and apply our knowledge, experience and wisdom.

REACTING is the primary cause of road rage and doing really stupid things.

RESPONDING allows you to handle potentially dangerous situations in a way that keeps you safe.

REACTING causes us to say really stupid things to our kids, sometimes even sounding like our own parents. Nothing worthwhile is taught or modeled.

RESPONDING allows us to step back enough to realize that one of the main purposes of parenting is the transfer of values to the next generation.

REACTING causes us to jump into situations without considering the consequences.

RESPONDING allows us to step back, consider the context and all the available options.

REACTING leads to failure. RESPONDING leads to success.

REACTING is a choice. RESPONDING is a much better choice.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.